Picking the perfect card for someone is so fun! (Check out mine if you still need one!) Facing a blank page inside? That can be nerve-wracking. Here are a few tips to writ the perfect card, be it for your best friend, boss, or anyone in between. I’ll address some general tips first, then offer suggestions for different types of cards.

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General Tips for Thoughtful Notes

• First, embrace the tone of your relationship with the person. Whether your communication with the recipient is usually silly or formal, continue that in your writing. Sometimes you can revert to being too stiff when writing. Say what you are thinking of writing out loud to see if it sounds like you, or more like your 5^th grade book report. Adjust accordingly! Thinking about your most positive times spent with the recipient can help you write in a positive, relaxed tone.

• Think about how much you want to say and adjust the size of your handwriting, where you start writing, and the space between your lines accordingly. You can thank me later! A short note will look more substantial if you start on the bottom half of the note and write slightly larger than normal to fill up the card. Starting on the top half then running out of things to say before you get to the main half can look awkward. Starting out normal and shrinking your letters to cram everything in at the bottom can make it hard to read. Like many things, planning ahead a bit can make a big difference!

• Use a basic framework to organize your thoughts.

1. Start by using the first couple sentences to introduce your reason to write. Whether you are thanking them for a gift or service, offering condolences, writing a birthday card, etc. make it clear right from the start.
2. Next, make the personal connection, but keep the thought about them (unless it’s a thank you card). This looks different depending on what the purpose of the card is for. I address specific thoughts for each type of card below. Referencing a shared memory can be a great way to make a connection. For example, “Getting to spend our undergrad years as roommates were so much fun! And now you’ve graduated with your Masters!  You should be so proud of your hard work and determination!” This is great because you reference your relationship and stir up fun memories, but also makes it about them, not you.
3.  End with an encouraging thought, hope for the future, or offer of help in the future depending on the circumstance. For example, a condolence card could end with an encouraging reminder of how much the person cared about them, a wedding card could end with a positive thought about many more years of their love growing, or a get well card could end with a legitimate offer to bring a meal, watch children to give them a chance to rest, etc. Regardless of the circumstance, this ends the card on a positive note.

• Add a balanced amount of thoughtful descriptive words. Much that gets communicated through tone and body language can’t be expressed through writing. Instead, use a moderate amount of adjectives and adverbs to share your feelings and thoughts. For example, “Thanks. I liked it,” doesn’t sound terribly heartfelt. However, “We humbly thank you for your gracious, thoughtful, considerate gift of delicious, satisfying, sugary snacks. We happily enjoyed them liberally over our extended holiday vacation,” sound ridiculous regardless of era your favorite TV show is from.  One or two descriptive words per sentence should suffice.

• Edit for spelling and grammar mistakes as you go. With autocorrect on a phone or the internet, it’s easy to make sure you are spelling things properly to put your best foot forward! Mixing short sentences or exclamations with longer sentences is a good way to easily give your writing some variety.

Tips for Specific Types of Cards

• Tips for thank you cards. This card is all about you, the gift and them! Include a basic thank you for the gift, why it is special, how you enjoyed it, or what you did with it if it was a gift card, and a positive thought at the end is the perfect summary for a thank you card. For example, mentioned a shared memory that made the gift special (You know how much my garden means to me; the butterfly painting is a beautiful reminder of my happy place in the winter!) Tell the other person how you used the gift. (I set the calendar you gave me right by my notepad on the desk; now I smile and think of you every time I need to check a date!) Share how they blessed you with the gift. For example, “I really appreciated the gift card; getting to revisit that coffee shop and relax by myself with that new book you suggested was amazing.” Include the giver in your thanks, make a connection, and show them how the gift made you feel. Even if you didn’t love the gift they gave you and don’t necessarily want to encourage similar presents in the future, you can still politely and graciously thank the giver in a heartfelt way. For example, saying, “Thanks for your thoughtfulness in buying me the new sweater; I love that you thought the glitter made you think of my personality and the blue matched my eyes,” is a lot more effective than saying “Thanks for the sweater. I think it might have blown out of my car into the donation bin in a parking lot.” It still acknowledges the giver’s effort and consideration.

• Tips for birthday cards: Birthdays are milestones that can be fun to celebrate but can also trigger lots of both good and bad memories about the past year and hopes/worries for the next year. How you write your card will depend on your relationship with the birthday person. Celebrate the person’s accomplishments from the last year. Note some of their best qualities or mention a way that you have seen them grow if appropriate. Include a fun memory you shared from the past year. End the card with positive hopes for the new year without dredging up hurtful things like “hope you finally get pregnant” or “hope you’re celebrating as a Mrs instead of a Ms next year”

• Tips for congratulation cards: There are so many exciting times that can be made even sweeter with a congratulations card. Graduation, marriage, a new house, a new baby, a huge life change, etc are all great opportunities to encourage someone. Focus on their effort and their feelings at reaching the milestones, not yours. “Congratulations on graduating! You have worked so hard to achieve your goals; enjoy this to the fullest!” is great because it focuses on them. “I’m so happy you finally made me a grandbaby. I’ve been dreaming about this for so long and can’t wait to play!!!” is NOT appropriate because it focuses on you and the benefits you get from their hard work.  Avoid clichés; telling  a new graduate that they can finally start earning money to pay off those loans or a new homeowner that they had better start remembering to pay the electric bill since they have responsibilities now isn’t helpful or kind. Keep it positive, cheerful, and encouraging.

• Tips for condolence cards: It can feel easier to avoid a hard issue rather than taking the time to write a condolence card, but putting in the effort can be a huge blessing to the recipient. When writing condolence cards, short and sweet can be better than long and awkward. Share your reason for writing, then share your sympathy in a way that is gracious. Don’t assume anything; grief shows itself in many different ways and telling someone, for example “I’m sure you must be inconsolable but I hope this note helps” might make them feel guilty if they mostly still feel numb about the event. Sharing a good memory can be a safe, positive way to connect with the receiver and assure them that whomever they have lost still has a strong value and impact in other people’s lives too. Making assumptions like “it’s for the best” is never appropriate because it could be untrue or they could disagree with you. Offering help or noting that you made a gift to a related charitable organization in their honor can be a positive way to end a note if you are able.

The bottom line when writing a card is that you are entering into another person’s circumstance, whether it’s a celebration or something hard. If you are sending a thank you card, you are sharing your enjoyment and appreciation of their thoughtfulness. Making the effort to send a card shows that you care and are happy to connect in a tangible way that will be appreciated. Use these tips to your benefit and be a blessing to your community.